The gift of goodbye

“There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us.[1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay. LET THEM GO!!!”—-TD Jakes 

When a relationship ends, it can be hard to see the beauty and opportunity that lies immediately beyond that. I recently had a relationship end and I find myself strangely at peace with it. Maybe it is because after all of these years, I have finally realized that I am the prize and a child of the most high God and should be treated as such. At 35, I do not have time to deal with any one who doesn’t see my value and worth in their life. I can definitely be unhappy alone rather than being in a relationship where the guy treats me less than I deserve.

So now I find myself single and trying to understand the lessons that God wanted me to learn from this experience. Over the past few days, I have found myself listening to Bishop T.D. Jakes’ sermon, “Nothing Just Happens”. He posits that everything, both the good and the bad things, are allowed by God to happen in our lives. He tells the story of Ruth, Naomi, and Orpah and the trials that they faced. The part of the sermon that resonated with me the most was when he started talking about Orpah leaving Naomi’s life. He talks about letting the people walk away when they want to. Don’t beg them to stay because your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.


When my ex decided to walk, I let him. I have never been the kind of woman to beg any man to stay. But it was helpful to be reminded that there is a reason for this relationship closing at this time. It means that his part in my story is over. That his chapter is closed in my life. Maybe he will be a future chapter, or maybe he won’t. But for this season, his role is over.

It is so interesting how much I prayed for the success of that relationship. But God did not answer those prayers. He closed that door. He told me no. Although it is disappointing, I do not want to be out of God’s will for my life. I want God’s best. He obviously was not God’s best if he chose to walk away.

At times we women will stay in relationships that are not as ideal because we feel the clock is ticking and we really want to get married. We don’t stand up for ourselves and express our emotional needs.We are so afraid of being single and alone that we stay in situations that are not the best for us. We are willing to sacrifice real happiness for the appearance of happiness and the chance at getting married. I do understand. At 35 and soon to be 36, I find myself wondering at times will I ever get married? Will I ever have children (in the context of marriage)? I do yearn for the experience of building a life with someone. But at the same time, I do not want marriage enough to be unhappy in it. I do believe it is God’s will for me to marry, but he wants me to marry HIS CHOICE, not mine.

So I enter this new chapter of my life happily single and completely open to what God has in store for me. I know it will be better than what I can hope or dream of.





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1 Response to The gift of goodbye

  1. Pingback: Perspective: It’s All in How You See It, Part 1 – Sandra M. Urquhart

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