I can’t believe that a quarter of 2016 is almost over! This has made me think seriously about the goals that I set in January and to assess if I was really making strides in this year of “becoming who God has called me to be” (check out my post from New Year’s eve here). I realized that I definitely have been making some serious strides in the vulnerability department (my third goal) and working on being wholistically healthy (my second goal), but not as much in my first goal, which is:
- To get really serious and focused about my prayer life.
I’ll admit, I haven’t completely dropped the ball-I have been praying for myself, my relationship, and friends and family, but I haven’t been as good with completely turning EVERYTHING over to God and trusting in his ability to work everything out for my good. So this week, I have been seriously meditating on what it means to truly trust God and to allow Him to work it out vs. me trying to always take the reigns and control things.
If I am honest with myself, I can admit that alot of my inability to completely trust God with ALL of my life stems from a place of fear. For some reason, I sometimes doubt that God is truly concerned with all aspects of my life. I believe that I NEED to step in and control things because that is the only way things will happen. However, when I truly reflect on the parts of my life that I have relinquished control to God, he has done exceedingly and abundantly more than I could ever hope or wish for.
To truly trust God means I have to give up the illusion that I am in control. What a scary thing for an overthinking control freak like me. But if I really think about it, it is very egotistical to think that if I let go of control things will not get done or work out. That I need to provide input in order for things to come to pass. But what would happen if I just surrendered EVERYTHING to God and trusted that he would make things happen?
Over the past few months, I have been amazed at the people that have crossed my path. All have come from different walks of life, but yet have delivered the same message: have faith, let go, and have fun. If I really pause, God has already been showing me His will for many aspects of my life and it is truly amazing.
So why can’t I just let go, and let God?
Fear is a powerful thing. Letting go is scary. Being ok with the unknown is frightening. But I also realize I can’t keep going on the way I have been. It isn’t changing anything in my life. All it is doing is stressing me out and wasting energy.
But I realize that I can’t do it on my own.
I think I erroneously believed that once I decided I would change, that it would come naturally. But, boy was I wrong. I cannot do anything apart from God. So I realized that praying to God to help me to release control has to be a priority. Daily, I have to die to myself and my normal way of thinking. I need to stop fighting to go upstream and just enjoy the cruise downstream.
So I exhale and ask God to help me in this area. Because, when I look back on my life thus far, God has never steered me wrong. He has given me beauty for ashes. He has done exceedingly and abundantly more than I could ever hope or dream of.
So like Dewayne Woods’ song, I am committing to focus on praying to God to give me the strength and ability to “Let go”(lyrics and video below) and get my peace back. If you are like me and struggle in this area, consider dying to yourself and joining me in this prayer. Ask God to give you the ability to trust Him in ALL things. Let go of the thing(s) that you are holding tightly to and let God work a marvelous thing in your life.
I couldn’t seem to fall asleep
There was so much on my mind
Searching for that peace
But the peace I could not find
So then I kneeled down to pray
Praying helped me please
Then He said you don’t have to cry
Cause I’ll supply all your needs
As sooon as I stop worrying
Worrying how the story ends
I’ll let go and I let God
Let God have His way
That’s when things start happening
I’ll stop looking at back then
I let go and I’ll let God have His way
There so much going on
Sometimes I can’t find my way
And often times I struggle
Struggle from day to day
I have to realize that it’s not my battle
It’s not my battle to fight
I have to know if I put it in Your hands
That everything will be alright…..