“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven”-Ecclesiastes 3:1.
I have been mediating on that verse and the subsequent verses for the past few hours as I try to make sense of my life in 2013 thus far. After a period of being “anonymous”- meaning a space where God was really doing work in me to prepare me for the wonderful things he has for me, I know find myself in the midst of those changes/transitions to get ready for those blessings. Most of it has been wonderful: a new relationship with a wonderful man and getting ready to graduate school for the very LAST time. Yet, some of it has been scary/sad such as not being sure yet where I will be going after I graduate and now yesterday, my cat of nine years passing away.
This is the last picture of my Bella cat from yesterday as she cuddled up to me for comfort. I had to put her to sleep yesterday afternoon because I couldn’t bear to watch her suffer anymore. I knew she was sick–she was in the end stages of kidney failure, but some part of me wanted to deny the fact that she was losing weight, was sleeping more, starting to hide. I didn’t want her to die–this cat has been there for me in most of my major adult transitions.
From the time I rescued her from the Connecticut Humane society in 2004 (she was a present to myself for passing my PhD qualifying exams lol), she has been a wonderful presence in my life. Anyone who is a pet owner knows that pets have the unique ability to know when their owner is in pain or sad and my Bella cat was no different. When I had to have surgery, she wouldn’t leave my side. When I was sad at various spaces over the years, she would sit next to me to comfort me or look at me with sad eyes. I truly felt I could understand her and she could understand me. I would definitely find myself talking to her as she could.
Most importantly, Bella was my furry baby. She loved me in spite of myself and always wanted to be near me. In way, she was like a dog; she always wanted to be at my feet when I was at the dining room table doing work or next to me on the couch when I watched a movie.
This morning I find myself waiting to hear her “Meow” that sounded more like a bark. I am waiting for her to come sit at my feet as I type this blog post. I finally understand what it means to be a pet person and why so many people spend so many dollars on their pets. They are truly a member of your family. And now I find my family of two, reduced to just me.
But I do believe that there is a time for everything under heaven. Maybe this new transition needed to be done without my Bella cat? Only God knows. But one thing I do know is that I loved my Bella cat and she will always be my first furry baby.