Rest. A period of doing nothing. Saying nothing. Not having to meet anyone else’s expectations.
Yesterday was that for me. Around 3pm, while I was looking up some literature for my final research project a wave of tiredness hit me. I immediately felt overwhelmed and emotional. Why am I doing this to myself? Again, I questioned the logic of going back to school. I think it was the stress that had been building up leading to my Biostatistics exam on Tuesday. I had studied really hard leading up to it and I still didn’t feel prepared. I found myself comparing myself to my classmates. Why do things look to come so easy to them and so hard to me? Logically, I know that isn’t the case fully–the majority of them are busting their butts right along with me. But it can feel that way sometimes.
And I know I am not supposed to be comparing myself to others, but in my moment of weakness, I was. After the exam, I couldn’t relax as I had another exam and a project to finish up. So come yesterday, I was exhausted and I found myself unable to focus in class. I just reached the point where I couldn’t take it anymore. Then I heard “Rest”. It came as a soft sound in my head at first, so I brushed it off. Then I heard it again, much louder “REST!”
I paused for a second. And then I reacted in true Cosmo fashion by thinking about ALL of the many things I needed to get done and how my time was winding down at Hopkins. “REST!!!!!!”
Ok, I heard it again, and I finally willing to listen to reason. And once I decided to rest, all of the stress and tension left my body. I stopped thinking about the million and one things I need to do and the decisions I need to make. I came home and got into bed and treated myself to a movie. I went to sleep at *gasp* 9:30pm.
But this morning, I am reaping the benefits of that recharge. I am energized and ready to tackle my to do list. I feel blessed and filled with so much love for my friends and family this morning. I feel even more thankful for God and the start of a new day. A new day to get it right and have the energy to pour into someone who may need a little lifting up like I did yesterday. Maybe I will tell them what that little voice told me yesterday: “REST”