Why I am a mustard seed

It definitely has been awhile since I posted but I have been in transition–moving from Connecticut to Maryland. I am still trying to get myself together and my boxes unpacked but I wanted to share with you a little bit of my journey thus far.

For the past few weeks, I have been ruminating on Matthew 17:20 (NIV), which is found in the Bible:

He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

A mustard seed is very small and round (see the picture above) and can stay very small unless it has the right conditions to grow. Yet, this seed can germinate in the cold, weather many storms and shoot up to a plant approximately three feet tall.

I believe my faith is like the mustard seed–small, yet growing. Something that I constantly find myself working at everyday–guarding my mind and trusting that God is directing my path to where it should be. I am in the germination stage—I am being tested and being forced to grow and stretch. To break out of my seed and plant roots in my Christian faith.

Last Sunday, I said goodbye to my church and the ministers and deacons gathered around me and prayed for my success and protection in this new journey along to Johns Hopkins. Over the course of the following week, I had to deal with random craziness–my car died and I had to get it fixed (it was only the battery), I found a small hole in my tooth so I had to have an emergency appointment to the dentist. And finally the worst thing happened–my movers stood me up. I was scammed! I ended up having to scramble and get a uhaul and some help from friends to load the truck.

I ended up moving myself in the wee hours of Monday morning with my car attached to the back of my truck. I was frazzled and stressed. I wasn’t sleeping well and I began to question my decision to go back to school.

It seemed like added expense after expense was piling on. I handed the car and tooth issue quite well, but when my movers flaked I cracked. I was so stressed out. I called my brother and cried. I am so thankful for him and my other friends that were there for me. They helped me to put things back into prospective. Just because I had some hiccups doesn’t mean I wasn’t on the right track for my life. I still have that sense of peace that I am doing the right thing going back to school, so I need to stop sweating the small stuff.

As a Christian,  I am told to have faith in God and trust that “all things will work together.. (Romans 8:28). I know this and I do have faith, but it is still growing. I am trying to sprout above the soil so I can become a big mustard green plant. I am learning how to stop trying to feel like I need to control things(because in actuality I can’t control nothing). I pass some tests and fail others. I am being stretched and yes although it can be uncomfortable I am learning to trust and have faith that it is going to work out in my best interest. Even if I can’t see it that way at the time.

Transitioning is always hard and there will always be little bumps. It is important to have faith, but it is also important not to beat yourself up if your faith isn’t where you wish it to be. Faith is an active process and it takes time. But at the end your faith will be like the mighty mustard seed and become a large plant. This is why I am a mustard seed.

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3 Responses to Why I am a mustard seed

  1. Oh girl I feel you!!! I had the same thing in the week leading up to my move and even this past week. And I still am having moments of, “omg, what the heck am I doing?!” I truly think we all are and that thought helps bring me peace. While I don’t consider myself religious I do believe that the Universe has our backs and that we are always on the right path (as I was once told…it’s our path and ours alone. How could it not be?). I’m truly sorry the transition was so hard for you…remember we’re all in this together. 🙂

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