Making friends as an adult = dating

Ok, this may be a little insane, but I feel that making friends as an adult is akin to dating. Maybe it should just be called “dating for friends”?  When you are in college, you are thrown together with a similar group of people who share common interests-you have the same classes and even may live in the same dorm. You don’t have to go out of your way to make friends, it kind of just happens naturally. In graduate school, it tends to keep the same vein, but it becomes harder because you have to go out of your way (especially if you don’t have to take all of your classes together) to make friends. You find groups on campus or friends in the community to bond with. However as an adult in the working world, I am finding it increasingly difficult to expand my friend circle. Many of my peers are getting married (or are married or in committed relationships), have children, or just may have their circle and are not willing to expand to include others. On top of that, we are just plain tired after work, so we may want to come home, or have other commitments.

However, you may be a part of community organizations, common interest groups, or sororities(or fraternities)  and have a potential pools of people in which to identify your new friend.  It could go something like this: Woman meets other cool woman in a group that they are both a part of. One says something funny and the other laughs. Maybe one woman just has such a great aura and you think “Wow, she would make a great friend!” So you ask her “Would you like to hang out sometime or get some food/coffee at some point?” She says yes and you plan an outing.

Case in point: This Saturday a fellow junior leaguer and I met up for dinner at the new mexican restaurant , Oaxaca Kitchen (yummmmm!!!!! I highly recommend you go if you are in the area! The food was excellent and the dining experience was outstanding!) to catch up and hang out. She picked the place , I picked the time and she made the reservations. We had great conversation and lovely food. They were still operating on their restaurant week menu so I had the fire roasted vegetable quesadillas to start(they came with black bean salsa):

I followed this with the main course, which was the scallops that came with a pea puree and pico de gallo. The scallops were excellent! They were cooked to the perfect consistency and had great flavor. I really liked the presentation:

This dish was followed by a slice of tres leche cake. It was very moist and had the right balance of “leche” Another great presentation:

After dessert, we figured why not head out for a drink, so we went up the road to geronimo’s and had pineapple mojitos. Overall, it was a great night and we agreed to see each other again in the future. Now tell me that doesn’t sound like a date? I know it is not the traditional date where you go out with a romantic interest. But isn’t dating for the purpose of building relationships? As an adult, I feel that you do need to “date” potential friends if you are looking to expand your friendships. What do you think?

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One Response to Making friends as an adult = dating

  1. Bridget says:

    I totally agree with that you wrote! It is a real challenge to make friends after college. I am fortunate to have a variety of people from work to choose from, but have found that sometimes it’s easier to keep my personal life out of my work relationships, which definitely makes acquiring friends more difficult. I’ve considered joining a women’s group or something similar, but found myself contemplating the awkwardness because I do think making friends as an adult is very much like dating! It’s not easy to put yourself out there and risk rejection, even if by a potential friend. Great post!

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